Have you ever assumed the worst, replayed a conversation in your head, or felt that one mistake meant you had failed completely? You’re not alone.
Our brains sometimes develop unhelpful thinking patterns, known as cognitive distortions. These are ways of interpreting situations that can make things feel more negative, overwhelming or threatening than they really are.
They can affect our confidence, relationships, anxiety levels and how we respond to everyday challenges. The good news is that, with awareness and practice, we can begin to approach our thoughts differently.
What are cognitive distortions?
Cognitive distortions are patterns of thinking that can influence how we see ourselves, other people and the world around us.
They often happen automatically, so we may accept our thoughts as facts without questioning them.
Here are four common examples of how they can show up in everyday life.
1. All-or-nothing thinking
What it looks like: You make a small mistake at work and tell yourself, “I’m terrible at my job.”
You see things as either a complete success or a complete failure, leaving little room for the middle ground.
What you can try: Ask yourself, “Is this really a complete failure, or is there another way to look at it?” Remind yourself that making a mistake doesn’t erase everything you’ve done well.
2. Overgeneralisation
What it looks like: Someone cancels plans, and you think, “Nobody ever wants to spend time with me.”
One disappointing experience becomes a conclusion about every situation.
What you can try: Notice words such as always, never and everyone. Ask yourself whether the evidence supports that conclusion, or whether you’re basing it on one experience.
3. Mind reading
What it looks like: A friend seems quiet, and you assume they’re annoyed with you.
You believe you know what someone else is thinking without checking the facts.
What you can try: Consider other explanations. They might be tired, distracted or dealing with something personal. If appropriate, ask rather than assume.
4. Catastrophising
What it looks like: You make a mistake and immediately imagine losing your job, letting everyone down or ruining your future.
Your mind jumps straight to the worst possible outcome.
What you can try: Pause and ask, “What is the most likely outcome, rather than the worst possible one?” Focus on what you know right now and what you can realistically do next.
5. Mental filtering
What it looks like: You receive several positive comments about a piece of work, but focus entirely on one small criticism.
You pay attention to the negative aspects of a situation while overlooking the positive or neutral details.
What you can try: Take a step back and consider the whole picture. Ask yourself, “Am I focusing only on what went wrong, or am I overlooking what went well?”
6. Discounting the positives
What it looks like: Someone compliments you on something you’ve done, and you think, “They’re only being nice,” or “It wasn’t that difficult.”
You dismiss positive experiences or achievements, making it harder to recognise your own strengths and progress.
What you can try: Practise accepting compliments without immediately explaining them away. Remind yourself that positive feedback can be genuine and that your achievements deserve recognition.
7. Emotional reasoning
What it looks like: You feel anxious before a social event and conclude, “I feel uncomfortable, so something bad must happen.”
You assume that because a feeling is strong, it must reflect the reality of the situation.
What you can try: Acknowledge your feelings without treating them as proof. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling, and what do I actually know about this situation?”
8. Should statements
What it looks like: You tell yourself, “I should always be able to cope,” or “I shouldn’t make mistakes.”
You place rigid expectations on yourself or others, which can lead to guilt, frustration and disappointment when reality doesn’t match those expectations.
What you can try: Notice when you’re using words such as should, must or ought to. Consider replacing them with more flexible language, such as “I’d like to manage this well, but it’s understandable to find it difficult sometimes.”
9. Personalisation
What it looks like: A colleague seems unhappy, and you immediately assume you’ve done something wrong.
You take responsibility for events or other people’s feelings without considering the other factors that might be involved.
What you can try: Ask yourself, “Am I taking responsibility for something that may not be within my control?” Consider what other circumstances might explain the situation.
10. Labelling
What it looks like: You make a mistake and tell yourself, “I’m an idiot,” rather than recognising that you’ve made an error.
You turn a particular experience or behaviour into a negative judgement about your whole identity.
What you can try: Focus on the specific situation rather than defining yourself by it. Instead of saying, “I’m useless,” try, “I found that difficult, but I can learn from the experience.”
11. Magnification and minimisation
What it looks like: You make a small mistake and see it as a disaster, while dismissing something you’ve done well as unimportant.
You exaggerate the significance of difficulties while downplaying your strengths, achievements or positive experiences.
What you can try: Ask yourself, “Am I giving this situation a fair amount of importance?” Try to view both the challenges and the positives in proportion.
12. Fortune telling
What it looks like: Before a job interview, you think, “I’m definitely going to mess it up,” even though you haven’t attended it yet.
You predict that something negative will happen and treat that prediction as though it were a fact.
What you can try: Remind yourself that you cannot know the outcome in advance. Ask, “What are the possible outcomes, and what can I do to give myself the best chance?”
How can you start changing unhelpful thought patterns?
You don’t need to force yourself to think positively or dismiss difficult feelings. The aim is to develop a more balanced and compassionate way of understanding what’s happening.
Try these three simple steps:
– Notice the thought. What are you telling yourself about the situation?
– Question the thought. What evidence supports it? Is there another possible explanation?
– Choose your response. What would you say to a friend in the same situation, and what small step could you take now?
With practice, this can help you create space between what you think, how you feel and how you choose to respond.
Remember, having unhelpful thoughts doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. These patterns can develop for many reasons, including past experiences, stress and anxiety.
How can counselling help?
Sometimes, unhelpful thinking patterns can be difficult to recognise on your own, particularly when they have been part of your life for a long time.
Counselling offers a supportive space to explore your thoughts and feelings, understand patterns that may be affecting your wellbeing, and consider new ways of responding to life’s challenges.
At Carina Counselling, I offer integrative counselling for adults and young people aged 16+ in Long Melford, near Sudbury, Suffolk, as well as online counselling across the UK.
If you’re experiencing anxiety, low confidence, overthinking or feeling stuck, you don’t have to work through everything alone.
You can begin by noticing your thoughts, becoming curious about them, and allowing yourself to consider another perspective.
Explore counselling with Carina Counselling and take the first step towards understanding yourself a little better.
This article is for general information and is not a substitute for individual mental health support or professional advice.