“I’m fine”
It’s something most of us say without really thinking about it.
You might be getting up, going to work, looking after your family and keeping up with everyday responsibilities. From the outside, everything may look okay.
But underneath, you might feel exhausted, irritable, disconnected or simply unlike yourself.
You may find yourself thinking, “My life is okay, so why don’t I feel okay?”
The reality is that struggling emotionally doesn’t always look like falling apart.
Sometimes, it looks like carrying on.
What can struggling beneath the surface look like?
Emotional difficulties can be difficult to recognise, particularly when you’re still managing your day-to-day life.
You might:
• Keep yourself constantly busy so you don’t have time to think.
• Be the person everyone relies on while rarely asking for support yourself.
• Feel more irritable or emotional than usual.
• Struggle to switch off at night because your mind is constantly thinking.
• Find yourself overthinking conversations or worrying about what might happen.
• Feel disconnected from things you used to enjoy.
• Feel guilty when you take time for yourself.
• Feel as though you’re simply getting through each day.
For example, you might spend all day looking after everyone else, only to find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed once the house is quiet.
Or perhaps you’re functioning well at work but spending your evenings worrying, replaying conversations or wondering why you don’t feel like yourself.
These experiences don’t necessarily mean that you have a particular mental health diagnosis, but they can be signs that something deserves your attention.
Why do we sometimes ignore how we’re feeling?
There are lots of reasons why we minimise our own difficulties.
You might tell yourself:
“Other people have it worse.”
“I’ve got nothing to complain about.”
“I should be able to cope.”
“My life is good, so I shouldn’t feel like this.”
But you don’t have to prove that your problems are serious enough before you’re allowed to ask for support.
You can be grateful for your life and still struggle.
You can love your family and still feel overwhelmed.
And you can appear to be coping while finding things difficult underneath.
If you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is something you should seek support for, you may find What Are the Signs I Should Seek Counselling? helpful.
When coping becomes exhausting
We all develop ways of coping.
Keeping busy, staying in control, avoiding difficult conversations or putting other people’s needs first can sometimes help us manage difficult periods.
But these strategies can become exhausting when they’re used all the time.
Perhaps you’re constantly saying yes when you’d rather say no, because setting boundaries makes you feel guilty or uncomfortable.
If that sounds familiar, you may find Why Do Setting Boundaries Feel So Uncomfortable? helpful.
You may also find that anxiety and overthinking become part of your everyday life. How Can Counselling Help with Anxiety? explores this in more detail.
A few things you can try:
There isn’t a quick fix for difficult emotions, but small steps can help you become more aware of what you need.
Check in with yourself
Instead of automatically saying “I’m fine,” pause and ask:
What am I feeling?
What am I noticing in my body?
What do I need right now?
You don’t need to have a perfect answer. Simply recognising “I’m tired”, “I’m anxious” or “I’m overwhelmed” can be a useful starting point.
Create some distance from difficult thoughts
If you find yourself thinking “I can’t cope,” try changing it to:
“I’m having the thought that I can’t cope.”
This small change can create some distance between you and the thought, allowing you to consider whether there might be another way of looking at the situation.
Give yourself permission to pause
Taking ten minutes to walk, sit quietly, breathe, listen to music or simply have a cup of tea without your phone can create some much-needed space.
You don’t have to solve everything during that time. Sometimes, pausing is enough.
How can counselling help?
Sometimes these small changes are helpful. At other times, you may need somewhere to explore what’s happening in greater depth.
Counselling provides a confidential space where you can talk openly about your thoughts, feelings, relationships and experiences without judgement.
You don’t need to arrive knowing exactly what you want to talk about.
Counselling can help you understand patterns, explore difficult experiences, develop greater self-awareness and find more helpful ways of managing emotions and challenges.
If you’re interested in understanding more about the approach I use, you can read What Is Integrative Counselling?.
You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis
You don’t need a diagnosis or to be at breaking point before seeking counselling.
Sometimes simply recognising that “I don’t feel like myself anymore” is enough reason to pause and ask for support.
I offer counselling for individuals aged 16 and over, both in person in Long Melford and Sudbury, and online or by telephone UK-wide.
If you’re considering counselling but aren’t sure where to start, you may also find How to Choose the Right Counsellor for You helpful.
If something in this article has resonated with you, you’re welcome to get in touch to discuss whether counselling might be right for you.
You don’t have to have everything worked out before reaching out. Sometimes, the first step is simply saying:
“I’m not really fine, and I think I might need some support.”
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Related articles
• What Is Integrative Counselling?
• What Are the Signs I Should Seek Counselling?
• How Can Counselling Help with Anxiety?
• How to Choose the Right Counsellor for You
• How Can Counselling Help When You Feel Overwhelmed by Life?
• Why Do Setting Boundaries Feel So Uncomfortable?